you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
