I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
