I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
