I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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