I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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