If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
