Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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