Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
