Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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