I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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