Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
