You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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