dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
