yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
