Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
