So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she looked like the before picture.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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