lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
