There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
