I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
