in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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