so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
