I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
did you just send me my own nude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
