LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
