I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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