Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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