I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
