apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
