i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
