wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
