So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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