I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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