I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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