swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
