Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
