I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
