my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
