There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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