$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
