exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
false alarm. still invincible.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
