Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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