12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
In America we eat man semen.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
