I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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