After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
