Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
