Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
