hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
is that a dick in a sweater?
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