How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
