I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
