This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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