you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's official drugs can't kill me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
